If I’m asked to show my face on this Zoom call one more time… When “I’m just here so I don’t get fired” becomes a daily quote to live by

Song Inspiration: Party Up (Up in Here) x DMX

I used to start work at 7:30 AM and now I find that I am barely dragging myself out of bed before the start of the 9 AM Zoom meeting. Why am I so disgruntled when I get to have a couple extra hours of sleep? I think the major difference is that we were once able to separate home from work. When I faced a tough day or when I worked with difficult people, I would remind myself that outside of the work establishment, none of those issues or people were a concern to me. I could leave the trials, tribulations and people at the workplace and go home to find peace, relaxation and comfort.

At work we give so much of ourselves to others that home seems like the only true place in which you are free to be yourself and now, unfortunately even our home space has been compromised. I don’t know about y’all but I don’t take inviting folks into my personal home space lightly. I personally vowed to never have some of these people know that I even existed outside of our work environment, let alone know what the color of my living room is! As we’ve begun to settle into our new (high-key invasive) norm of Zoom calls, FaceTime and Google Meet as a remedy for workplace interactions, it’s imperative that we continue to find creative ways to set work boundaries while protecting our energy, our time and our space so that we can keep our composure… and our jobs.

Energy

What are you giving the majority of your energy to? As I have shared before, a big hang-up of mine has been my battle with perfectionism and people-pleasing. I have found that I put a ton of energy into making sure that I had other people’s seal of approval. A lot of the times I would put unnecessary pressure on myself just thinking about the high expectations of others, without even giving them a chance to express it. This only increased when I entered into the workforce. As a black woman in a predominantly white workplace, I spent a lot of time trying to prove to my supervisors and coworkers that I was a valuable member on their team.

It wasn’t until I did some major research in graduate school that I learned that I wasn’t alone. Black women in the workplace often adjust their behaviors to accommodate their non-black counterparts. As indicated by Hall, Everett, Hamilton-Mason (2012, p. 216): “African American women change the way they think of things or expectations they have for themselves, or they alter their outer appearance. They modify their speech. They shift in one direction at work each morning, then in another at home each night. They adjust the way they act in one context after another. They try to cover up their intelligence with one group of friends and do everything possible to prove it to another. They deny their sadness and loneliness.”

As you can imagine, this way of living can be very damaging. I was convinced that my counterparts didn’t want me to succeed, which was caused me to go into overdrive. I had to refocus my energy if I was going to navigate the workforce successfully both physically and mentally. I work on protecting my energy daily. I started to hone in on my skills and talents. I tapped into the things that made me passionate about my field of work and I let my work speak for itself. I was blessed with the opportunity to be linked with other women who I could share my thoughts with and who encouraged me. I had to learn to drop the weight of worrying about unspoken expectations. It takes a little time to stop worrying about things that are out of our control, but it’s possible. Don’t let others approval, recognition or lack thereof deter you from your purpose. Find what you’re good at and do it well. You’ll find so much inner peace that it won’t matter what anyone else has to say. Focus your energy on what’s going to help you be a better version of yourself each day. Do what you can and celebrate those things. Give yourself some grace. Again, I work on this daily.

Time

How is that I find myself running out of time more now than when I was able to get out and physically be at work? Our current situation has left us in a time loop. Sometimes I forget what day it is, let alone the time! It seems like our employers have also fell into that same thought process. Don’t let your job dominate your entire day! I work with high school and college students who already live on their own unique time schedules, so I had to establish a new schedule that would prevent me from working until 9:30 pm or later each day. In my time frames I’ve included space for me to do something outside of staring at my computer screen like taking walks, doing yoga, reading, praying, exercising, or calling friends and family to catch up. I spend my shower time singing and attempting to learn the newest Tik-Tok dance (and failing). I’ve been put on to new music and have recommended music to others. I’ve tried new hair styles and learned some new make-up techniques. Remember to use some of your time each day to focus on pure enjoyment.

Space

This is a major component for me. I am super protective of my space. Since I can remember, I’ve always spent time setting the scene for any space that I was going to occupy. In my childhood home, I would reorganize my bedroom furniture often. From middle school all the way through high school, I would spend our orientation day setting up my locker with magnets, photos and trinkets so that when I arrived to school on our first day back, it would have been as if I never really left. As someone who hasn’t lived at home since leaving for college, I have always liked my space to feel nostalgic, like home away from home no matter where I was. Cleaning is my zen so during this time I’ve been able to deep clean my apartment. I’ve been able to reorganize my closet spaces, my pantries and cabinets. I finally put up pictures and fixtures that should’ve been put up a long time ago. Take care of your space! I’ve seen my friends homes and apartments and it’s inspiring. One of my best friends loves plants and flowers so her apartment is filled with beautiful plants that she tends to. Put together that bookshelf you’ve been meaning to work on. Reorganize one of the rooms in your space, or take something away.

What are some of the work related struggles you face during this time and how have you dealt with them? Have you ever been doubted in the workplace because of your age, or your experiences? Do you have work friends that help you get through the day? How are you keeping your cool and protecting your energy when frustrating situations come up? Feel free to comment and share! I’d love to know your thoughts!

Yours in Authenticity,

London

Somewhere between “I need to save money” and “You only live once, treat yo self”

Song inspiration: Can’t Tell Me Nothing x old Kanye

Do you remember when you received your very first paycheck? How old were you and what was the job? Think about how you felt when you opened it up and saw the amount. Nine times out of ten you were probably geeked even if the amount was laughable. What did you end up spending your hard earned money on? I started working when I was 14 years old and was making basically no money at all, but I remember feeling so accomplished. You couldn’t tell me nothing! The feeling of being able to buy my own things with my own money instead of depending on an allowance seemed like a dream come true. I was finally able to answer a question that was as old as time: Yes mom, I actually DO have McDonald’s money! A while back, I had a conversation with one of my students about his job and he told me that a favorite pastime of his is to stay up late on payday to watch his account balance change when the direct deposit hits! I felt the same elated feeling when that stimulus check recently dropped (Can I get a witness?!).

How many times have you spent money on things you didn’t really need? It may be too many to count! Have you ever had a hard time balancing the fun stuff in life like traveling, shopping and dining with responsibilities like rent, car notes, student loans and other bills? Do you ever get a check and then days letter wonder where your money went? The feeling of payday is unmatched, but honestly what happens after that paycheck drops is the real conversation.

“Wait til I get my money right.” A hard lesson in money management

The hardest lesson I had to learn in money management was when I landed my first job out of undergrad. I took a job as a College Adviser making $32,000! As someone fresh out of school who was used to making minimum wage at an hourly rate, I was ecstatic! I thought it was my big break! Momma, I made it!! That year I was able to afford an apartment and a new car without a co-signer! At that moment I felt like I was my ancestor’s wildest dreams (A HUGE reach, I know-but I was really feeling myself). Soon after experiencing some of the best financial endeavors of my life, I hit some major financial snags that took me a couple years to recover from.

That year was the first year I did my taxes by myself and was able to claim a refund. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had filled out my taxes incorrectly (me trying to be grown and not ask for help) and actually ended up owing $1000 back to the IRS later that year. Additionally, the money from my College Advising position was tax free because it was a grant funded position considered an independent contractor. Of course I decided against doing the logical thing which would have been to sit down with a tax adviser and figure out how much money I would have needed to save per check in order to be able to pay my taxes off with ease come tax season. I was too busy indulging in the benefits of money at amounts that I had never experienced before. After taking care of my monthly rent and student loan payments, I would spend my money however and on whatever I pleased. Two tax seasons came and went and I ended up owing almost $6000 in back taxes. Yikes is an understatement! I spent two years after that first job out of college working to repay my debt while I managed being a full time graduate student with the obligation to keep up with bills. I literally set myself up for disaster. Like my mom would say, “A hard head makes a soft behind.”

I was blessed with the opportunity to live rent free while in grad school which reduced my expenses tremendously. My previous student loans were deferred and I was able to work while in grad to reduce my debt. When I graduated from grad school, I was fortunate enough to be able to retain three jobs- one full and two part-time. It was exhausting both physically and mentally but it worked. I had to sacrifice certain aspects of my social life, which wasn’t too difficult because in grad school you basically have no life. I also had to cut back on my favorite beauty regimens such as the nail and hair salons, opting to do them myself instead of spending the money. Over the course of those two years, each payday felt more like another opportunity to redeem myself. I had to start from scratch and learn the basics of money management in order to stay afloat. Thankfully, I was able to repay my debt and start fresh, but it did not come without extreme hard work and discipline and with helping hands from family and friends.

If you’re struggling to find that fun/responsibility balance, or would just like to practice better saving habits, I would suggest prioritizing and setting realistic goals for yourself.

• Create a monthly budget so that you can get a visual of where your income is going.
• Find a budget app! Budget apps are the most petty and helpful tools you can have. They help you save money while throwing a little shade when you’re about to buy something you know you don’t need. Many of them allow you to check your credit score for free!
• Make sure you’re taking care of the things that are needs (rent, utilities, car insurance) before your wants (salons/barber shops, travel, shopping).
• Find ways to reduce your cost of living without totally eliminating your self-care regimens by finding free/reduced cost alternatives to things you would normally pay for.
• If you absolutely need to, I would suggest picking up a second job. This is my least favorite option because it’s time consuming, both mentally and physically, but if it’s a temporary fix it can prove to be beneficial.
• You may need to sacrifice some of your leisure activities, but it is definitely worth it to watch your savings account grow!

I by no means have this budgeting thing completely mastered but there was definitely beauty in the struggle that I had to go through. I came out of that situation more conscious of my spending habits, and learned to be creative while still practicing self-care. Special shout-out to my bffs who kept me centered and made sure I was still connected to the outside world! Can you relate? If you’re down to share, tell me about a time or times where you’ve had a money mishap! How did you recover and what did you learn? Do you have any other money tips? Feel free to comment and share!

Yours in Authenticity,

-L

Post-Graduation Depression is real af.

Song inspiration: Ain’t it Fun x Paramore

In undergrad, I thought I had it all together. I felt that unlike many of the people that were around me, I had one chance to get this college thing right. I was a high achieving first gen student. My parents didn’t know much about the ins and outs of the college process and navigating financial aid. I was bright, but didn’t apply for as many scholarships. I wouldn’t have made it to the door of my college dorm if it wasn’t for the help of a massive student loan (that I will forever dread paying every single month). I already had so many things stacked against me before starting. The stakes were high for me and failure was not an option. There wasn’t much room for error. So I went into overdrive.

In order to curb the cost of my expenses and make the most of my experiences, I got involved in Housing and Residence Life (Thank God for free room and board!) I was a part of the Social Work Association and a professional co-ed business fraternity. I was holding down four jobs, (three on campus and one off campus) an internship that was 16 hours a week and was president of the Social Work Honors Society. I was also travelling in and out of the state to speak at professional higher education conferences, all while being a full-time student.

I was doing the absolute most during my time in undergrad in an effort to set myself up for success that by the time I was supposed to actually start planning for my immediate future, I completely froze. My life all of a sudden became the beginning of a BET Original Movie: *freeze frame* Yep, that’s me! You’re probably wondering how I got here…” One thing we rarely ever talk about are the contribution factors to post-graduation depression, how real it is and how to adjust to your new normal moving forward.

The transition from college life to adult life is a lot like that one Mr. Krabs meme

2. Job security is as shaky as your favorite rapper dropping an EP way past their prime

The job search seems endless. No matter how early you start, you still feel far behind. You missed the university job fair, or possibly even avoided it due to the thought of the reality of what life would be like post graduation. You’ve applied to over 20 different jobs and they all hit you with the “we’ve decided to go in a different direction,” or better yet, “we’d like to hire someone with more experience.” How you supposed to get experience if they only want to hire people with experience?! You’ve probably heard no so many times that you forgot that yes was a word in the dictionary. Just when you start to lose all hope, a job finally pulls through. If it happens to be your dream job, be thankful that you’re one of God’s blessed and highly favored. For many of us, we take the first thing offered to us out of desperation hoping that if we just get our foot through the door of any job, it will buy us some time and keep searching for the job we’re really looking for.

3. Student Loan companies are looking at your graduation date with the Bird Man hands

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Student loan companies are extremely petty. You don’t hear from them for four years and all of a sudden they be the first ones to congratulate you on your upcoming graduation with the reminder that in just six short months, they will be expecting a nice repayment plan to be in effect. The amount of stress that that congratulatory email gives is comparable to the moment you realized that you forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer so many years ago.

4. Not being able to see your friends on a consistent basis is tough.

These are the people who have seen us through the highs and the lows of our college experience. Bonds formed out of your freshman dorm experience, the sport/org./club you joined or the on-campus job you held. These people have seen you through some of your scariest moments and your brightest days. They know us better than our own family members. They were your homework buddy, your study partner, your cooking guru, the person you binge watched shows with. They pushed you to do your ultimate best and held you down when you were too depressed to get out of bed and make it to class. Bottom line: the separation anxiety is real. We set the expectation that we will continue to stay in touch as much as we can-and most times we do, but it just isn’t the same.

So what can you do?

I’ve only mentioned some of the things that threw me off my square post-graduation. I am sure that there are way more contributing factors to post-graduation depression and it looks different for everyone. When I first graduated, I was a few months out of a five-year relationship, and at the developing stages of a new relationship. I was starting a new job and moving to a new city. As I was trying to keep up with the fast-changing pace of my life post grad, I cut myself off from some of my closest friends and family. I completely shut down and went into auto pilot. I was filled with so much stress and anxiety and I tried my best to cover it up. I pretended to be excited for my new experiences, thinking that if I could fake it for a little while, I would actually start to feel better in real life. I was making new friends and moving through new experiences but it all felt unnatural. I got myself into such a deep spiral that by the time I came to, I was too embarrassed and ashamed to reach out to those closest to me to tell them what I had been going through and that I had been struggling. I was the friend that was consistent. I showed up for my friends when they needed me the most and the person that I had turned into was the complete opposite of that. I was mortified at how far I had stepped away from my original self. It took me a little while to recover, but here’s some of the things I did to get back on track.

• Identify the areas in life that were hard to process

For me it was all that I had listed above. I was so afraid of change that I mentally shut down. I had to identify where those feelings were coming from. I was so used to being busy with school, jobs and clubs that I did not give myself time to breathe in-between. When I finally had a moment to just exist, I didn’t take it well. I felt like all of the busyness of my life made my existence seem meaningful and productive. I had to come to terms with the fact that tasks did not define my existence. I had to channel my energy into what makes me feel whole outside of the busyness of my hands.

• Go back to what centers you

For me, that was my faith. I am driven by my faith in God and the hope that things get better with time. It was a difficult process for me because I had gone so far down a path of negative thinking that I had to completely reset my mind and counteract negative thoughts with things that I knew to be true despite how my situation looked or felt at the time. I had to go back into my bible and look at scriptures that gave me a sense of encouragement and strength. I know that everyone has different belief systems so I’d encourage you to seek what centers you the most whether that be a higher power, a favorite pastime/hobby or skill and start from there.

• Talk to your loved ones

This was probably the hardest thing I did in this process. I am the kind of person who needs to talk through things in order to process them so I decided this was something that I needed to do and it made me feel like I was getting back to my old transparent self. I had a level of pride that held me back from truly expressing my areas of lack and struggle, especially when I thought the image that I was projecting to my friends and family was one of consistency and support. I called/texted my friends and family whom I had isolated and tried my best to explain what I had been going through. The vast majority of my friends and family welcomed me with open arms and even prayed for me. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders which in turn helped me establish a better stream of communication with the ones I hold close.

• Carve out time to spend with older family members

That first summer post-graduation was rough! I remember making it a point to spend as much time as I could with my parents and grandparents because in my mind, they had this “adulting” thing somewhat figured out. I am so thankful for those moments with my family. They truly showed me compassion and that I was not alone in this world. I would just be up under them, invading their space like I was a little kid again. It was there that I found the most comfort. I encourage you to spend this time talking to someone older in your life who you trust. The life lessons shared will be something you carry with you for the rest of your life.

Although it was tough, I am thankful for my post-graduation experience. I learned and continue to learn so much about myself as I keep moving through life. If you’re reading this and can relate to any of these points, had a different post-graduate experience, or have some more tips to share, please feel free to leave a comment and share!

Yours in Authenticity

-L